Five Years Married

Wow, where has the time gone? I cannot believe Gabe and I have been married for 5 years! In honor of our anniversary, today I am sharing 5 things I’ve learned in the last 5 years of marriage:

Money matters. How you are making money, where your money is being spent, who is spending it etc. Every December Gabe and I sit down and seriously re-work our budget for the following year. We set savings goals, investment goals, discuss possible big purchases, home renovations, trips we may want to go on etc. Having this big picture conversation really forces us to discuss and acknowledge where we each think our money should be going. We do not always agree on how much should go in each bucket but that brings me to my next point…
Compromise really is key. With time, you will learn what your spouse’s sticking points are and where they have a little wiggle room. Don’t keep score, going through life playing tit for tat is no way to live. If you “lose” an argument move on swiftly. Because guess who you are about to wake up next to in the morning? The “winner” of that argument. Don’t be afraid to apologize-even if you feel you were in the “right.” Saying you’re sorry is not a sign of defeat and forgiving someone is not a sign of weakness. When Gabe and I get into an argument or are cranky and taking it out on each other we will often take a few minutes to settle down, come back together, and hit the re-set button. Literally one of us will come out and say, “OK, let’s start over and not less this ruin our night.” Because if whatever you are fighting about is something you will forgive each other for in the morning why not get that out of the way so you can binge watch one more episode of Game of Thrones together and go to bed happy!
Find what makes YOU happy. If you are happy as an individual it will lead to a much happier relationship. Gabe loves to golf. Just about every weekend in the summer he takes off for 4-5 hours to play. Sure, sometimes I wish he was home with us but I know this is making him happy and when he returns, Davis and I will reap the rewards of that happiness. For me travelling makes me happiest. Knowing I have a trip planned energizes me and it helps me focus at work to know I have a much-needed break coming up. After that trip is over I relish in the memories made and get so much joy reminiscing over photos. Gabe also likes to travel but he doesn’t necessarily need it the way I do. At first, this caused a few fights over finances so we decided to work “travel” into our monthly budget. The same way people put money aside to pay their mortgage we put money aside to fund a future trip. Now when I suggest we go on a vacation Gabe’s first feeling isn’t stress over how to pay for it.
Set expectations when it comes to gift giving. Gabe and I decided a few years ago not to exchange gifts for Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries, Mother/Father’s Day etc. For birthdays, we like to buy each other “experiences” like concert tickets, a wine tasting, movie pass membership etc. This really takes the pressure off these types of life events because we’ve all had that moment where their spouse has gone overboard on a gift and you feel terrible you didn’t go all out. Or the opposite when you feel like you really spent the time picking out the perfect gift and they just grabbed the first thing they saw for you.
None of us are mind readers, tell each other what you need. Upset your husband didn’t pick up his socks so instead of talking to him about it you decide to let them pile up on the floor? Get used to looking at a pile of socks because he won’t be picking them up! It’s just not important to him. Passive aggressive remarks and the silent treatment almost never solve anything. Instead, why not try having a conversation about it? You may be surprised at how receptive your spouse is to it. Us ladies tend to think we have to do it all, newsflash we don’t! Ask for help if you need it and explain to each other why things are important to you.

So, there you have it! Nothing life changing I know but after over a decade (side note-why don’t we get credit for the time spent dating before we get married lol) spent with this man I can honestly say I am happier now than I was 5 years ago when I said I DO!

Sharing a few pictures below from our wedding!